Hello, my name is Kim, and I am a Hot Mess Mom.
“What is a Hot Mess Mom?”, you may be wondering.
Have you ever gotten up, gotten yourself and your child ready for school, packed lunch/snacks for said child, loaded said child into the car, and arrived at school on time…only to find out that THERE IS NO SCHOOL THAT DAY?.
That, my friends, is a Hot Mess Mom. Captain of the HOT MESS EXPRESS.
Have you ever rushed to pick up the kids, made it home, and realized you had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO FEED YOUR CHILDREN FOR DINNER?
Hot Mess Mom.
Who among us has been out at 10pm the night before school starts to purchase school supplies?
Yup, you guessed it…Hot. Mess.
Even with regard to work, I just couldn’t keep it together. I distinctly remember SEVERAL instances of bing somewhere and receiving a call from the hospital asking me where was I? I had no idea that I was supposed to be seeing patients at that time. Once I was at the hospital visiting my mom and had to leave in a mad dash when I got the call from the nurse that I was supposed to be seeing patients.
Guys, this was my life on a daily basis. I was running on empty, struggling to make it through each day. I just sort of put out fires all day long, and didn’t have a plan for the day. There was no forward thought at all.
I didn’t even have a planner, y’all (GASP!)
Here’s the thing: THIS WAS NOT THAT LONG AGO. I justified it for a long time by saying that things were crazy. And, they were.
Right after I finished my fellowship and got my first “big girl” attending job, I became pregnant. Shortly after that, my mother became gravely ill. She was sick for a year and a half before she died. During that time I was pregnant and had a newborn while still juggling work and my 2 children.
I was stressed out, burnt out, and just felt like an absolute failure every single day.
Waking up and feeling like a failure every day led me to have chronic anxiety. I was always on edge. I anticipated the worst of each day, rather than the best of each day. Things were so out of control that I didn’t even try to make the day better. I resigned myself to disorganization, procrastination, and self-sabotage.
I resigned myself to failure.
I lost all of my confidence as a mom. Not only was I hard on myself, unfortunately I was hard on my children also. I lost my temper often. I didn’t follow through on my promises to my kids. How could I, when I couldn’t even keep my promises to myself?
I lost all of my confidence as a wife. As a daughter. As a friend.
As a person.
Several months after my mother passed away and things settled down a bit, I just KNEW that things would get better.
You’d think that by virtue of the fact that my life was more calm that I would magically get it all together, but that was not the case.
Here’s why: Even though my time was freed up, I had not developed systems, habits, practices, or routines in order to make my life run smoothly. Each day I was starting over, but I didn’t have a plan to make that day run any better than the day prior.
I had a digital calendar this entire time. I had meeting requests on my calendar.
It wasn’t that at all.
I remember one day, after getting another “where are you” phone call from the clinic, I got super annoyed and fed up with myself.
Something needed to change.
Something had to give. I said to myself “Kim, think back to a time when you always knew where you needed to be and had everything in your life somewhat organized.”
My answer? College.
I then remembered that in college I carried a planner! That’s it! I need a physical, paper planner. I need to write down all of the things!
I went on Facebook and asked my friends for planner recommendations. I was pumped, y’all! I’m gonna get my life together with this planner! I purchased a Webster’s pages color crush planner in mint and white… it was gorgeous!!!
I then feel down the YouTube/instagram rabbit hole of planning and planner decorations.
I bought all the pens.
And all the stickers.
And ALL OF THE THINGS.
Guess what happened next? If you guessed that I was still a hot mess, then DING DING DING!!! You would be correct.
So I bought a different planner, because it must just be that the planner wasn’t the right one for me, correct? After 3 planners, I had to face the fact that it was…ME.
No amount of planners could change the fact that my mindset was not right. I was so used to failing that I didn’t know how to win.
What I did next made all of the difference in the world, and is the reason that I am the woman that I am today.
First, I logged off of social media. Shut it down- I didn’t make a big announcement about it. Just deactivated and removed the app from my phone. It was sooo freeing! I realized that I was medicating myself with social media any time that I felt anxious. I would feel the familiar twinge in my stomach when I thought of my to-do list, and I’d instantly pick up my phone.
The next thing I did was hire a therapist. This was the game changer. Click here to read all about how therapy changed my life for the better.
The final thing I did to get myself back on track was to start using the 5-second rule. I wrote a whole post about this, but essentially, I would convince myself to take small actions and follow through on them. Once I learned to follow through on the small things, it became increasingly easier to trust myself to do the bigger things.
Because, here’s the thing: when you continuously break your promises to yourself, your brain creates a reason to not even try.
You start to say things like “what’s the point.” “I am a failure.” “ I can’t do this.” Or, you avoid, procrastinate, and self-sabotage.
The best way to right the ship is to keep small promises to yourself.
Start off with your alarm clock. If you set your alarm for 5am DO NOT HIT SNOOZE. Just get up. Yes, it will be difficult. But after you are awake, the fact that you actually kept the promise that you made to yourself when you set your alarm for 5am will give you the boost you need to be successful that day.
I’m calling this #NoSnoozeMonday. I rolled this out on instagram this evening, so if you missed it, please make sure to follow us there.
Let’s do this!!!
Peace and Love,